Still waiting for the baby to arrive. I haven't had my thoughts on this project much for a number of days, since the baby was supposed to come on the 15:th. He or she is taking his/her time... One thing I have been thinking about though, is how becoming parents creates a new type of vulnerability in you. At least it has done in me. Things that I would have done without hesitating before, decisions that were easy to make in the blink of an eye, now carry with them so much more tought, fear and hesitation. Everything I do now, I do both as myself and as my son's mother. I may not fear parachuting, or walking over the street when the lights are red, but I fear what could happen to my son's mother.

In another sence, my sense of being vulnerable has lessened. Just the other day I came to realize that one of my major "everyday issues" (or what to call it) has ceased to be of importance: I have always felt I'm extremely poor at small talk, and meeting new people in situations when this is required, for example parties, job conferences etcetera, has made me feel very exposed and frightened. And now, I'm chatting freely with all the other parents I meet in the playground, and our neighbours and people walking their dogs etcetera. Actually having fun! And this is since I had my son, I have stopped worrying so much about what I say and how it might sound, and instead caring about creating a community here where we live where all our children can be recognized and see that their parents are getting along.

I wonder what other changes in life changes your sense of vulnerability - strength and how. And I am so curious about how other people (you) think about these things and, of course, would visualize it artistically.

Hope to hear from you soon =).

p.o. box

And so, after whining a little bit earlier today, I finally ordered a P.O.box. Come first of august I'll finally have an adress to give you. So suddenly it seems that tomorrow might be the day I finally start networking a bit more actively =). To celebrate how roller coaster-like life can be (gloomy this morning, inspired tonight), I'm now going to check out a japanese roller coaster ride that looks like it's up my alley. Not in real life, sadly =). I do hope to go to Japan one of these days though.

Challenge number 2

How to stay at it?

That's the question for me right now. Right now I feel like just giving up and pretending I never had this idea. My baby is due in three days - feels like it's probably never going to come, I still have work to do, and I don't know wether this project is of any interest to anyone but myself. Should it matter? I don't know.

How do you keep at it? How do you keep the courage and energy to go on anyway? Even though you don't get much response. Even though the goal seems to be nowhere in sight. Even though what seemed to be an easy peasy little thing to do suddenly appears near impossible. I tell myself I should just relax and let it become whatever it becomes. It's something even though it doesn't turn out the way I imagined it. And also... If I want something to happen, I have to do something, no? Isn't it amazing how many reasons and obstacles can be found to doing what it takes to make a dream come true? I never find even close to half as many obstacles to doing things I don't like or don't particularly care for. Hmmm.... What's that about? I never seem to be hindered to go out with the garbage, or sweep the floors or do the dishes or go to work. But to send an email to a school or organization that might have members interested in joining this project? It seems easier to get a job as an astronaut. Maybe I'm just scared. That nobody will care about me or my idea. Better not to ask at all then. But I truly don't believe that, and it's sure not the way I want to live my life. And everyone I've talked to so far does think this idea is a good one. So, I'm going to find a way to keep at it. Maybe I'll finally get around to getting that P.O. Box today. And then suddenly it will fill up with wonderful pieces. Who knows? My challenge number 2 is to allow myself to stay inspired with or without the outspoken blessings, cheers or "of course you should"s of others =).